Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Nice Guys Really Do Finish Last



The following article was written by my friend, Eugene Smit, in September of 2007. I found it in a dark corner of his Facebook page. It is so worth reading. so well stated and unfortunately, so true. Enjoy...


Ah yes, one of life’s biggest questions (a hair behind “Why are we here?” and “How much did I drink last night?”) has always been: Why do women always complain that there are no nice guys out there? It boggles the mind! Why there are tons of nice guy out there! It’s just that they are completely invisible to women at large. A guy can be friggin’ Mother Theresa with a penis and to all those women looking for that ever elusive “nice guy” he may as well be the ACTUAL mother Teresa* for all the interest they will show. Sure, sure, he will be a shoe-in for “good platonic friend #14” but in every other relationship sense he might as well be Frank the invisible eunuch. On the other hand, show that same woman an utterly self centered, misogynistic, insanely jealous, ill tempered, socially inept, boorish jerk and she will be all over him before you can say “all the good men are married or gay”.

But, now we need marvel at this no more. Once more science comes to the rescue and explains it all. Just like guys are biologically unable to not check out a girls’ figure (for which men have been taking flak for untold centuries I might add), it would seem that biologically speaking women are relationship lemmings. A recent study, done at Bristol University, has shown that despite what women may say they want, what they really want is a man that can flirt. Yes, gasp in astonishment cause that is all that it comes down to apparently. And I must admit it explains a lot. That cocky asshole you know who can’t stop scoring? Well duh! Clearly the fact that he is cocky asshole is a signal to women that he has vigour and social confidence and hence good genes. How in the world did the nice girl who keeps “falling down stairs” and “walking into doors” end up with that abusive son of a bitch? Well clearly he knew how to flirt silly!

So why is the nice guy population out there shrinking? Well ladies you don’t even need to do a scientific study on that one – you but need to understand the most basic of truths about men: Men are exactly what they need to be to get the girl. No more, no less. Therefore if the princess prefers ogres to knights, don’t blame the knight for giving up and becoming an ogre.

Since it was such interesting reading (and since no one believes you unless you have “Dr” in front of your name) I included the article on this fascinating study. I think it gives a lot of good news. Firstly to Jerks everywhere – you don’t have to listen to Oprah, chicks will dig you, they can’t help it. Then to nice guys out there (presuming there are still nice guys left who have heard the soul crushing, heart ripping, utterly castrating “I like you, but as a friend” speech again and again and still haven’t given up on being a nice guy in utter despair), there is also good news – you don’t actually have to become a jerk! Just sharpen those flirting skills and you may actually get the girl without being an ass! (No promises though) For the girls, well I guess you don’t get to have any good news. Turns out you are as much prisoners of biology as we are. So suck it. Next time you talk about how men are pigs, keep in mind that in the very same way, women are lemmings.

Jerks who flirt often get the girl
David Derbyshire
It's always been a mystery to the nice guys out there: Why do women fall for the most horrible of men? Now psychologists believe they have discovered why. They say a man's talent for flirting can cancel out his more antisocial traits. Women will apparently overlook even the nastiest of tempers if a fellow has a glint in his eye. Psychologist Dr Andrew Clark, who led the study at Bristol University, said: “Anti-social men can make up a lot of ground by just being flirtatious.” His study tested the effects of flirting on 27 women. They were asked to rank animated images of men's faces in order of attractiveness and how flirty they were. “We found that the two coincided – the most flirtatious faces were perceived as being the most attractive," said Dr Clark. The faces were then paired up with a series of anti-social and “pro-social” statements – such as
“Old people bore me” or “I really enjoy helping old people” – and shown to the women again. When looking at the “good guys”, the women paid little attention to how flirtatious the men were when deciding who was most attractive. But when shown the anti-social faces, flirtatiousness mattered once more. Clark said that a flirtatious man showed vigour and social confidence – clues that he might have good genes. - Daily Mail


*When I say “actual mother Teresa” I of course mean Mother Teresa as we knew her in life. Not reanimated Zombie Mother Teresa. That would just be creepy as hell. And yet strangely enough would still work in the metaphor I was using…

3 comments:

noel said...

That last lil bit, Mother Teresa alive vs. dead really made me laugh. He has a very valid point. Is this guy still single I know of another single gal who wants a nice guy for real?? I am so BAD!! I am gonna get in trouble for that one. :)

RandomSue said...

Eugene is soooo single. You can find him at "a life in juxtaposition"
the link is right next to this post.

Sorry, Eugene, I couldn't help myself!!!!


Plucky always says no good deed goes unpunished.

Jeni said...

Ugh! I fell for the nice guy once and he was the one who broke my heart. He was utterly incapable of flirting, but he was also utterly incapable of falling for me because I was not tall and thin...

I'm still waiting for the "nice guy" who can look past appearance and fall for the real person...